Building confidence as a man living with a stoma | by Kevin
Living with a stoma changes your life: physically, mentally and emotionally. For many men it can challenge identity, confidence and how we show up in the day to day. I know this because I’ve lived it. This blog is about rebuilding confidence after stoma surgery sharing real experiences, practical tips and honest advice to help you feel more like yourself again. Whether you’re newly adjusting or finding your footing years later on, this is for you.
Facing reality, it’s more than physical. Let’s be honest, getting a stoma isn’t just about recovery. It can hit your confidence hard, I know for me it did – feeling more self-conscious, less masculine and worried how others would see me. I remember avoiding the mirrors at first. I didn’t recognise my own body and that was a hard one to take, but over time I’ve realised something important: confidence doesn’t come from pretending nothing has changed, it comes from learning to accept and adapt.
The early days in hospital were one of the hardest parts for me, not just physically, but also mentally. You are trying to process what has happened while also trying to learn how to manage something completely new. I remember feeling lost; the nurses and my surgeon were an amazing support but when it came to how I felt as a young man living with a stoma, I didn’t really know who to talk to. I didn’t know anyone close to me that had one or was going through what I had gone through, and I felt isolated.
That experience was exactly why I set up my page. I wanted to create a space where men and women could reach out, share their experiences and realise they’re not alone. Because no one should have to sit there wondering like I did, “who do I talk to about this?”. I think what helped me was thinking from “why me?” to “what now?” and focusing on what I’d lost to what I had now. At the start I always found ways to hide my stoma but now it’s learning how to manage it confidently.
Not every day is a confident one and that’s ok, whether it’s feeling a little down or having a leak from your bag. These moments happen and maybe confidence then starts to dip. I’ve had those days where everything felt like a struggle, but those days don’t erase the progress that you have made. What I have learned is that it’s easy to beat yourself up, but you can learn from the situation, reset and move forward.
One huge area for me and most men is relationships, intimacy and self-worth. This was a big one for me and many men I’ve spoken to. I wondered how my wife would react or if things would ever feel normal again. Here’s the truth, honest communication builds stronger relationships and the right people will accept you fully, stoma included. For me, opening up about my insecurities actually strengthened my relationships rather than damaging them. One thing to also remember is that a stoma changes your body but it doesn’t change your value, your character or who you are as a man. Confidence comes from recognising that you have been through a lot and that you are still here, and that’s real strength.
Building confidence with a stoma is a journey, it’s not a quick fix. It takes time, patience and a willingness to adapt but you have to remember it’s more than possible. For me, I started small by being kind to myself, focusing on what I could control and most importantly, not letting my stoma stop me doing the things I love the most. In fact, it’s allowed me to do the things more, if not better. You are stronger than you think and the confidence will come.
-
-
-
-
-
-
