Learning to accept my stoma | by Nikki
Have I fully accepted my stoma? If I’m totally honest… nope. Am I hopeful that one day I will? Absolutely.
I’m a lot closer to acceptance now than I was in those early days. What I have behind me is two years of learning, trying and hoping for that feeling of being ok with it all. And while I’m not quite there yet, I’ve learned a few things along the way that might help someone else and maybe help remind me that I’m getting there too.
Things that have helped (and still do):
Therapy
Talking things through with a professional has been a huge part of this for me. It’s not just about the physical change, it’s about processing the grief, the frustration and finding ways to rebuild your relationship with your body.
Doing the things you loved before
It’s easy to let your stoma take over your identity, but you are still you, I’m still me. Whether it’s going out for coffee, running, a Netflix marathon, or walking your dog, those parts of you still exist and you’re still able to be that person with a stoma.
Talking to friends and family
Sometimes it’s awkward, sometimes emotional, but letting people in helps lift that black cloud feeling. Having understanding and supportive is a crucial part of learning to accept.
Having a good cry on the bad days
Acceptance isn’t linear. Some days you’ll feel strong and confident and others you’ll feel angry or sad, I know I do, and I think it’s completely normal. We are healing, one day at a time.
Giving yourself a wardrobe revamp
You can absolutely wear what you wore before, but maybe you want a revamp, you certainly deserve a treat. Finding clothes that make you feel you again can be a small but much needed confidence boost.
Acceptance isn’t a moment, it’s not like a flick of a light switch. I would say more like a dimmer switch, some days it’s brighter, others it’s dimmed right down. Some days I feel proud of how far I’ve come. Other days, I still struggle.
I think acceptance is more about learning to live alongside your grief, trauma or whatever else with a little more kindness, the same kindness you would give to someone else in your situation.
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