An update | by Natalie-Amber

Hi my beautiful friend,

Hope you have been looking after yourself since we last spoke. I have been okay, however a few things have happened since we last spoke: I had a flare up (a mini one, luckily) and I have also been referred and being tested for ADHD.

I wanted to touch base on this as it’s not something I have spoken about public via my social platforms yet. I feel like I am still processing myself that some of my traits are very ADHD and could explain so much about the way I think, feel and deal with getting through life in general.

There are two types of ADHD – the inattentive type and the hyperactive-impulsive type. While most show signs of both, some only show signs of one. Inattentive symptoms in women are things like forgetfulness, becoming easily distracted, struggling to stay organised, trouble staying focused, difficulty sitting still, low self-esteem, trouble with sleep, procrastinating, emotional regulation challenges and more. Hyperactivity and impulsiveness in ADHD can be things like, impulse buying, excessive talking, acting without thinking, fidgeting, or tapping your hands or feet, loud talking, and finding it hard to not interrupt a conversation. Of course, these are just some, but I choose to put more (the ones that I know I have – 100%).

I have felt for a long time I was lost and misunderstood; I didn’t get why I was the way I was. For example, my grandparents on both sides (black Caribbean) and (white, small part German) and earlier generations don’t recognise these traits or wouldn’t of thought my behaviour was worth going to a doctor for, as it was not physical. Depression or other mental conditions were swept under the carpet and kept quiet.

Nowadays, of course we can request a diagnosis because my generation is more vocal about mental health. I personally feel that once I have a diagnosis, it will help me understand myself a little more. I need to try and be kinder to myself; I become annoyed with myself if I haven’t achieved something. What I need to do is reflect and remember all the amazing things I HAVE done. 

ADHD is nothing to be ashamed of. I think the more we understand it (and receive a medical diagnosis, not people just diagnosing themselves) the more people can take this seriously.

I have been diagnosed with medical PTSD, and this doesn’t help, so a lot of the time I do feel like I am trapped in a cage waiting to explode. It just feels like a whirlwind that I cannot escape. I wanted to share this with you and how I am feeling so that if you are going through something similar you know you’re not alone and that it is okay. You are not weird and there is nothing wrong with you. Our brains just work a little different to other people. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, it makes us unique, it makes us magical beings. If we have the right help and support, we will be okay. I shall keep you updated on this.

Flare up

As you know one thing that we can all agree on with IBD is it does what it wants. It doesn’t care about plans. I had a mini flare recently, and I would be lying if I wasn’t worried at the time. The reason being, I had 7 years of excruciating pain and then when I finally got my diagnosis the pain stopped, I almost blocked it out of my brain. Now, every time I have another flare up and pain comes back, I honestly cannot hack it. I do not know how I managed seven years of severe pain. I didn’t get to do everything I wanted that was for sure, but even the smallest flare pain now is too much for me. Anyway, I was flaring which resulted in a few accidents, I had no control over my bowels or getting to the toilet. A recent example is recently while travelling to Reading. I was due to teach one of my PT clients in person, however I ended up being late because I had to travel to my dad’s to get washed and changed. Luckily my client also has IBD so she gets it. I did not have to feel worried about going to her house because she is so understanding. I know it is a safe place and no judgement will ever be made. 

The next day I had to go out for a cousins birthday celebrations in London; this had me so anxious, the train up there, travelling to the venue, playing the games, what if I had another accident in public or in the middle of London? How would I recover from that? I had taken Buscopan and spare clothing with me which was added extra baggage to carry but I had no choice.

We went to play the interactive game ‘The Cube’. It is amazing and so easy to get to from London Paddington on the Elizabeth line to Canary Wharf. I highly recommend it. I had such a bad stomach the entire time, but I made the best of it, spending time with my family was lovely. Luckily at the venue when you start playing the game, you use an app and you can use it to pause the game for a break. I hate flaring but I am forever grateful when it’s a flare where I am pooping my pants instead of not going at all. I am prone to blockages especially after my reversal surgery so if I flare, but poop myself, it’s not ideal or the best but at least I know a blockage is not the issue. The thought of being in hospital for more surgery frightens me and brings back a lot of traumas.  I am much better now and plodding along taking it day by day, the fatigue still hasn’t improved but that’s part of a chronic illness and the heightened levels in my liver are still being monitored but at least they are keeping an eye on that, rather than not at all.

On a plus, we have the new date for the 2025 Eakin Healthcare Get Together and I am super excited to catch up with my second family and fellow ambassadors again. I also have some charity events that I shall be running soon alongside World IBD Day in May.

Finally, I have a huge and exciting announcement: I am an official speaker this year at Cannes Lion’s which is a huge deal. Also speaking this year will be: Serena Williams, tennis player and founder and entrepreneur of Serena Ventures; Amelia Dimoldenberg, comedian and presenter; KR Liu, the Global Head of Disability Innovation for Google; Katie Welch, Chief Marketing Officer for Selena Gomez’s Rare Beauty, and so many more. This is a huge achievement in my career for which I am honoured and grateful. In previous years, huge names like John Legend, Elon Musk, Deepak Chopra, Queen Latifah and Will I Am have spoken there.

It honestly has not yet sunk in. So, at the end of a bad blip there are lots of days to look forward to in the coming months. I will of keep you posted on all.

Next time we speak it will be the month of the Get Together event so I can share details of how it went, plus an update of my talk at Cannes.

If you haven’t watched my podcast with Rachel & Louise yet, this is your sign to watch it now. We discuss stoma reversals, relationships, and body acceptance. Have a listen you won’t be disappointed.

Talk soon!
Love,
Natalie-Amber
@natalie_amber1